Jurrassic World Live Tour: A giant mistake or the best thing I've ever heard of

Jurrassic World Live Tour: A giant mistake or the best thing I've ever heard of

PHOTO BY FELD ENTERTAINMENT

Tickets are now on sale for Jurassic World Live; a family-friendly arena show that skims the surface of Crichton’s source material for a family-friendly version of a classic franchise.

The idea of massive dinosaur puppets stomping around a stage like that time I wore high heels to a New Year’s Eve event, both thrills and repels me; which is just how the guests at that party felt when they saw my unshaved legs and sausage arms popping out of my fancy dress.

“Jurassic Park” shaped my elementary school years.

While local boys were shooting moose and lubing up their snowmobiles (sleds), I was hanging upside down from my bed trying to cross-reference where Isla Nublar was in my National Geographic collection. The ones that weren’t torn up for my Jane Goodall scrapbook.

In some way it was a way to tell my dad, who was an archaeologist, that I thought he was cool and all, but I’d be doing something even cooler when I grew up. Arrow heads are out, dad. Deinonychus claws are in. Which is probably the nerdiest and most Canadian case of passive aggression I’ve ever heard of.

The science of Jurassic Park was one of the most thrilling aspects of the books. The fantasy of cloning and manufacturing life from fossilized DNA was what made going to school so interesting. Ian Malcolm deriding the science of paleontology with more science, not just because of his feelings and beliefs is something you won’t see repeated in today’s fiction. Because Twitter killed it.

tumblr_n77gwzbVpm1rpc5kho1_500.gif

What I’m trying to say here is that I find it hard to believe that this tour is anything besides a masturbatory tour of our favorite dinosaurs, set to a familiar soundtrack, for kids to slobber over while drinking soda and making their dad wish he was deep sea fishing with his college buddy that smells like Old Spice. What a missed opportunity to actually instill some wonder in these kids’ minds. Give them some science, yo!

That being said, I’m about to buy my tickets and I’ll be the one surrounded by popcorn and wearing all khaki, CRYING ugly Oprah tears when that theme music starts playing.

Tickets are already on sale for the January 17-20, 2020 performances and can be purchased HERE.